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Huge Longjohns
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Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
£907 for a jack lead!
      #1109240 - 24/06/14 10:42 AM
Can't beat a good typo for cheap laffs. ebay lead

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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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molecular
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Loc: north a bit, west a bit
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1109249 - 24/06/14 11:57 AM
well... it does have an angled jack... and it is red, which is my favourite colour...

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The Bunk



Joined: 29/12/07
Posts: 731
Loc: Surrey
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1109266 - 24/06/14 02:33 PM
I'd love to know the point at which the seller though "actually I need to make that £907 and 39 pence.."


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Tony O'Shea



Joined: 13/10/09
Posts: 78
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1109271 - 24/06/14 03:41 PM
Bargin! The p&p is free!

Best,
Tony

--------------------
Senior mastering engineer - MiroMastering
www.miromastering.com


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zenguitarModerator
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Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1109272 - 24/06/14 03:42 PM
The scary thing is that the listing shows 'more than 10 available / 3 sold' !!

However, for an Ebay shop stocking a range of lines, when something goes out of stock it is a lot easier to change the price to something stupidly expensive than it is to de-list the item and re-list it when it comes back in stock. And if someone REALLY wants to pay that much for a guitar lead, they can always take the money and go to the nearest guitar shop and buy one for £20 and send that out instead.

Andy

--------------------
When the going gets weird, the Weird turn Pro.


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Huge Longjohns
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Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1109695 - 27/06/14 08:05 AM
Quote:

for an Ebay shop stocking a range of lines, when something goes out of stock it is a lot easier to change the price to something stupidly expensive than it is to de-list the item and re-list it when it comes back in stock.




That's really interesting, Zen. You see ludicrously high prices on eBay quite often and I've always assumed the seller was just hoping an oil sheik would stumble on his listing and pay the asking price. But your explanation makes perfect sense. And it keeps chaps like us amused into the bargain.

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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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mick.n



Joined: 01/09/04
Posts: 595
Loc: It's grim up north.
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1109732 - 27/06/14 11:03 AM
"£907 for a jack lead?"

jack it in guv.


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110193 - 01/07/14 09:25 AM
Look! You can now get a Berhringer control surface to plug your £907 lead into: a snip at £99,999 but, happily, delivery is free. X touch

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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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JamesM808
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Joined: 21/10/03
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Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110225 - 01/07/14 12:15 PM
How about $5999?

Youtube


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110230 - 01/07/14 12:36 PM
Truth is always crazier than fiction, I guess!

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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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CS70



Joined: 26/11/12
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Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110240 - 01/07/14 03:22 PM
Jimmy Page must have used it at some point

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http://www.silver-spoon.org - It's just music
..and the FB page


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Scope



Joined: 03/07/06
Posts: 2231
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: CS70]
      #1110262 - 01/07/14 07:20 PM
I had always assumed is was money laundering.
eBay is a very obvious way of cleaning money & high prices help that process.
Either way, a cable for £900 is VERY suspect. !


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Tim Keep
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Joined: 14/04/03
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Loc: Zhongli, Taiwan
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110300 - 02/07/14 03:55 AM
You can't beat this though.

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/10M-Premium-High-Quality-TOSlink-DigitaL-Optical -Cable-Lead-24k-Gold-Plated-UK-/131230612146?pt=UK_Computing_Sound_Vision_Audio_Cables_Ada pters&hash=item1e8df43ab2

Spot the useless feature.

Tim


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Tim Keep]
      #1110305 - 02/07/14 08:07 AM
^^Dunno what your problem is; gold is renowned for its transparency in the visual section of the EM spectrum - who wouldn't want their reading glasses coated in a few mm of 24 carat leaf?
(Could actually have potentially useful optical properties for certain types of system. But this definitely isn't one of them...)


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Huge Longjohns
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Joined: 10/04/03
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Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110313 - 02/07/14 08:54 AM
Nah, it's obvious that the gold coating gives the light analog warmth. It's like your sounds wearing sunglasses. Instant coolness.

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110396 - 02/07/14 05:27 PM
Quote Huge Longjohns:

Nah, it's obvious that the gold coating gives the light analog warmth. It's like your sounds wearing sunglasses. Instant coolness.




I should have realised as much - clearly an audiophile product
Wonder if they're using analogue or digital gold? It's easy to tell them apart - the former has a smooth, warm and wholesome atomic number of 79, whereas for the latter it's a cold and analytical 1001111


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Folderol



Joined: 15/11/08
Posts: 3619
Loc: Rochester, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Logarhythm]
      #1110438 - 02/07/14 11:24 PM
Quote Logarhythm:

Quote Huge Longjohns:

Nah, it's obvious that the gold coating gives the light analog warmth. It's like your sounds wearing sunglasses. Instant coolness.




I should have realised as much - clearly an audiophile product
Wonder if they're using analogue or digital gold? It's easy to tell them apart - the former has a smooth, warm and wholesome atomic number of 79, whereas for the latter it's a cold and analytical 1001111



It's worse than that. Connect it up the wrong way and you'll get 1111001 which really is not the same thing at all.

--------------------
It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
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Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110516 - 03/07/14 12:49 PM
Gad! It's a jungle out there! How on earth do we ever get any decent stuff recorded with all these sonic minefields thrown in our way!

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"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Folderol]
      #1110531 - 03/07/14 01:51 PM
Quote Folderol:

It's worse than that. Connect it up the wrong way and you'll get 1111001 which really is not the same thing at all.




You may have stumbled upon a fantastic idea sir - what could be more appealing to the audiophile (and indeed the marketing departments of audiophile manufacturers...) than a cable made out of an element so rare that it doesn't exist yet!
Think element with atomic number 121 currently given named Unbiunium - sounds exactly like the sort of thing that a £squillion hifi cable should be made of


Quote Huge Longjohns:

Gad! It's a jungle out there! How on earth do we ever get any decent stuff recorded with all these sonic minefields thrown in our way!




We don't - but we'll never realise because our signal chains are so poor, what with our sh!tty copper cables, balanced connections etc. In fact I bet many of the SoS forum members are the sorts of heathens who are still using the standard mains cables that came with their equipment


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Folderol



Joined: 15/11/08
Posts: 3619
Loc: Rochester, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Logarhythm]
      #1110586 - 03/07/14 09:41 PM
Quote Logarhythm:

In fact I bet many of the SoS forum members are the sorts of heathens who are still using the standard mains cables that came with their equipment



Surely not! Aren't you supposed to strip off the outer casing so that the wires inside can 'breathe'?

--------------------
It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)


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JM-1



Joined: 30/09/07
Posts: 722
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1110609 - 04/07/14 06:21 AM
A few months ago I wanted to purchase a different product from this same retailer (and their prices are usually very low). The item was priced ridiculously highly, and I enquired via the phone.

Andy is correct. When an item is out of stock, this seller puts the price up to a very higih level - and when the item comes back in stock, they lower it back to the correct price. In some way it makes things admnistratively easier for them...


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
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Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: JM-1]
      #1111405 - 11/07/14 11:30 AM
Quote:

Surely not! Aren't you supposed to strip off the outer casing so that the wires inside can 'breathe'?



OH.MY.GOD. Everyone knows that when you do this the analogue warmth escapes. You have to wrap your main cables in Peruvian Llama nasal hair to keep the analog warmth atoms at exactly the right temperature. And don't try and skimp by using your own nasal hair.

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111414 - 11/07/14 12:29 PM
Woah, call yourself an audiophile? Pah!
Surely everyone knows that nasal hair from Llamas is going to have loads of really dirty electrons in it, and just think what that will do to the signal quality
I don't think Folderol is right either though - I know what he means about letting it breathe, but there is just too much risk of atmospheric contamination.
I just don't think there is a sensible solution currently on the market, but I may have the answer that we all need - I plan on starting a Kickstarter project to fund development of a special sleeve to be applied over the mains cable. It will be made of graphene, diamonds and mahogany, because these words have a distinct marketing advantage and sound expensive, hi-tech and yet, thanks to the wood, retain an organic and natural feel (sorry, maybe I actually mean that these materials have certain special electrodynamic properties...).

Since you gents are clearly most in need of these, I'll give you a special 50% discount if you pay up front, reducing the cost to a very reasonable £7500 per sleeve (cable not included).


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111425 - 11/07/14 01:16 PM
I'm in, where do I order?

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111431 - 11/07/14 02:14 PM
Well I don't have credit card processing facilities at present, but if you can send via Paypal (N.B. I only accept "gift" transfers ) an initial non-refundable deposit of £1k, you don't need to pay the rest until the sleeves are ready. But I will need you to also send a photocopy of both sides of your credit card, your PIN, mother's maiden name, full address (and utility bill for proof), and your NI number.
You don't need to worry about data security or identity theft - the above is just part of our special introductory offer and shows our commitment to ripping off gullible individuals in as many ways as possible.
As soon as I've finished making up the data and/or devising some flawed experiments, I'll have some graphs and charts etc that prove the cables are brilliant and am thus expecting demand to be very high, so be glad you're at the front of the queue


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Huge Longjohns
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Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111434 - 11/07/14 02:27 PM
Just before I order can you confirm that the mahogany molecules won't give too much of a woody sound to Gibson-based guitar parts recorded while I'm using the sleeve on my mains lead? I've heard that there is a big difference between the sound of mahogany molecules and maple molecules and am worrying that I might be better using a maple based mains lead sleeve to balance things out? Perhaps as part of your new company's R&D process you could investigate the option of choosing between mahogany, maple or rosewood for the wood content?

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111438 - 11/07/14 03:44 PM
OK, as you're talking about molecules and stuff like that I can see you are a gent of scientific inclination, and will thus stick to verifiable facts and avoid the marketing waffle. I appreciate your concerns and as a service-led company we have to publicly state that the customer is always right. Even if they're all idiots (a foregone conclusion if they're buying our products).
My detailed unbiased scientific research has led me to conclude that in this case, your are quite correct. You can rely on our testing as we use methods designed to give exactly the results we want, and many of our analytical techniques have acronyms that sound really impressive (I'll provide full details of these as soon as I've had chance to make them up).
Our comprehensive testing has indicated that this effect is indeed real, as you have so astutely observed. Furthermore, we found that it can be very specific to a given model, so for example the mahogany works well with a USA strat, but less so with a Mexican strat, and definitely wrong with a tele. If you can let me know what model of Gibson you have I can see what I can do to best accommodate it, although the great news (for me) is that you may need to buy one cable for each model of guitar you have, in order to get the maximum benefits.
So as to best cater for this new expanded requirement, I'll be using genuine MDF with a range of fetching veneers and/or stains to suit the application.
I should add that in order to do this you will have to sign up to our new and exclusive bespoke range - it's only a small extra fee of £1000 (+vat) and gives you access to every sort of wood you can imagine, provided it's a colour that is part of the standard Ronseal range and is suitable for use on MDF.

Note 1: Sorry for derailing this thread with all of this gibberish. I don't think anyone else is reading anymore though!
Note 2: All ideas, techniques, theories, words, lies and half-truths in these posts are the intellectual property of Terrible Cables Ltd (company motto: "Sounds sh!ttier than recycled lawnmower cable, and only a million times as expensive!")


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Huge Longjohns
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Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111445 - 11/07/14 04:11 PM
Quote:

although the great news (for me) is that you may need to buy one cable for each model of guitar you have, in order to get the maximum benefits.




Please cancel my order. It is now perfectly obvious that you are nothing but a charlatan, mountebank and peddler of snake-oil. Any person purporting to be a real manufacturer of audiophile quality wood-based mains lead sleeving technology would instantly know that my question was a trap. Hah! Everyone in the world, apart from people with ears, knows that maple fingerboards on eg a telecaster, sound different from those with a rosewood one. And therefore you would have to make a separate lead sleeve not just for different models of guitar but for different versions too in order to get the appropriate sonic benefits. (Which naturally I would have been happy to pay for.)

I can only breathe a sigh of relief that I rumbled your little scheme before I parted with any cash.

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Folderol



Joined: 15/11/08
Posts: 3619
Loc: Rochester, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111450 - 11/07/14 05:14 PM
{rushes out to cancel a cheque}

--------------------
It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)


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3rdConstruction



Joined: 18/03/08
Posts: 49
Loc: Ottawa, Canada
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Logarhythm]
      #1111476 - 12/07/14 02:26 AM
Quote :

Sorry for derailing this thread with all of this gibberish. I don't think anyone else is reading anymore though!"



This thread has been a real treat. It had the makings of a Monty Python sketch!

--------------------
...speaking at length about something is no guarantee that understanding is advanced.


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Biome Digital



Joined: 12/07/14
Posts: 6
Loc: UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111482 - 12/07/14 09:02 AM
It's a little over my budget!

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www.biomedigital.co.uk - Premium Samples & Presets
Grab your FREE samples now!


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Folderol



Joined: 15/11/08
Posts: 3619
Loc: Rochester, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111491 - 12/07/14 09:50 AM
And to follow the Python theme, it's well over my budgie

--------------------
It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)


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ef37a



Joined: 29/05/06
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Loc: northampton uk
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111495 - 12/07/14 10:14 AM
I have a couple of those "helically shielded" jack plugs.

I'll do a BOGOF for just £99.99 post paid!

Dave.


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111600 - 13/07/14 05:00 PM
Quote Huge Longjohns:

Any person purporting to be a real manufacturer of audiophile quality wood-based mains lead sleeving technology would instantly know that my question was a trap. Hah! Everyone in the world, apart from people with ears, knows that maple fingerboards on eg a telecaster, sound different from those with a rosewood one. And therefore you would have to make a separate lead sleeve not just for different models of guitar but for different versions too in order to get the appropriate sonic benefits. (Which naturally I would have been happy to pay for.)

I can only breathe a sigh of relief that I rumbled your little scheme before I parted with any cash.




Alas, it was an omission of brevity only. Do you think me a fool!
I'm a man who has pretended to test a variety of guitars that I don't even actually own (I have two acoustics...) and is prepared to make up acronyms like QBCD and iFGCS in the name of proving the sonic merits of my cables.(Note that there is an acronym involving an "i", in lower case, and one with a "Q" - is this not the sign of genuine modern hi-tech stuff?)
Did you miss the bit about real MDF?! (Not the B&Q value cr@p either - I'll be using the sensibly mid-priced stuff, chosen for a deeply scientific reason that I'm yet to invent ).
Obviously you will need one per guitar, and indeed I'd go even further - it's imperative that users have the right cable to accommodate fingerboard, body, pickup. Indeed, if you really want to get the most out of the sympathetic harmonic interaction of the pseudo-relativistic spin matrix in the graphene I'd suggest you have a different lead for each half of the range on the tone dial for most guitars.
I do appreciate this could get prohibitively expensive but thankfully I'm not doing this for the money. Honest. Really I just want to share great sound with fellow music lovers, and so I'll be offering matched sets at a more affordable rate - despite the relatively high cost of raw materials at the moment, two cables both with bespoke options matched to your guitar, for a mere £10000! By buying them you'll literally be saving £5000!

P.S. Don't trust Dave's jack plugs - £99.99 is a ludicrous price, and note the complete absence of proper science to demonstrate their efficacy


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Folderol



Joined: 15/11/08
Posts: 3619
Loc: Rochester, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111608 - 13/07/14 08:33 PM
I'd advise you to tread very carefully before criticising Dave. Just remember he uses the name EF37A.

There are very few of us left who have heard this elusive beast, and you simply can not talk about extreme audio fidelity unless have bathed in the sonic euphoria this device instills. Indeed, a little known fact is that the EF37A (not to be confused with the plain EF37 or the rough-and-ready EF36) even found favour with the BBC!

--------------------
It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Folderol]
      #1111636 - 14/07/14 11:21 AM
Quote Folderol:

I'd advise you to tread very carefully before criticising Dave.



Haha I'm sure he read my comments as tongue in cheek. At least I hope so!
It's undoubtedly fairly evident from Dave's many posts that his actual knowledge of all the electronic gubbins far surpasses mine, and indeed probably by orders of magnitude.
Confess I didn't know what an EF37A was until I googled it, but will try to claim that is a result of my relative youth (I was born after the CD was launched...). I'd ask pity for my ignorance, but I suspect I'll not get much sympathy given this reason!

But that notwithstanding, my cables are obviously brilliant and there must still be some gullible morons out there willing to part with vast sums of money despite my own admission that my knowledge is deficient in certain related areas
I can at least offer several advantages over the traditional approach of things being made by people who actually understand them. For example, has Dave at any point completely fabricated science in order to show the advantages of his jack plugs? Nope. Personally I think that shows a worrying lack of engagement with the modern world of marketing. Who really cares if stuff actually works or sounds good these days? No-one. What consumers want is lots of buzzwords to demonstrate clearly how the product they slavishly and blindly follow is obviously superior to ones their friends use that have fewer stupid made-up acronyms than theirs. In this respect, my products are clearly superior – Dave has jack plugs that work. My cables probably don’t, but they have everything people actually want in purchase, e.g. I’m planning a app to partner with the cables – won’t do anything relevant or useful, but consumers definitely want a branded app to show that it’s a stylish modern product.
What we can clearly see is that Dave’s product development cycle is all wrong – he has identified a need (plugging cable into guitar) and found a solution that works.
Which is great if you’re a communist, but cr@p if you want to make any money. As we all know, the real product development cycle should go:
1) Identify something that people might pay money for. (N.B. Doesn’t matter if they don’t need it and/or it doesn’t serve any useful purpose)
2) Make up marketing stuff.
3) Conduct biased tests to validate marketing stuff, and decide how best to present to consumer in a way that completely obfuscates the truth whilst appearing to show positive results.
4) Review market for similar products – if there is one, repeat steps 2 and 3 to find reasons yours is better.
5) Make up price. Ignore costs like raw mats, labour, overheads etc. If there is a competing product, use your made up research to justify higher cost and set price at theirs plus at least 25-50%. Otherwise, just make up ridiculously high price (can use a random number generator and just multiply the result by 1000, or even 10000, depending on the consumer you are targeting). Ideally, the wealthier and more willing to believe stupid claims the better – hence the audiophile market is a great sector to be in
6) Pay a derisory rate to small children in Indian subcontinent or similar (pretty much anywhere in SE Asia will also work) to modify something fairly standard in your unique way. For example, if I was extremely cynical, I’d “make” my cables by buying bog standard cheapies from eBay and underpaying my workforce to glue on the bits of MDF and a few token flakes of graphene plus some fake Swarowski crystals and voila, the £7500 lead (with an estimated profit per unit of around £7495).
Of course, as my motivation is quality rather than profit, I’ll be making everything in the UK, using graphene flakes that I’ve hand-prepared and only sourcing diamonds from suppliers with suitable ethical standards. Honest


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111645 - 14/07/14 01:20 PM
Quote:

Alas, it was an omission of brevity only.




I can't tell you how pleased I was to read this. In this modern world it seems so rare to find a genuinely enthusiastic and honest craftsmen who will go out of his way to provide a real service for people like me who quite frankly have far more money than sense.

Many people would simply take advantage of clueless, stone-deaf people like me, and I can only stress how refreshing it is to find a fellow audiophile who is prepared to go that extra mile to give me the opportunity to waste an absolute fortune on products with absolutely no discernible audible benefit whatsoever.

Please reinstate my order immediately.

I would be most grateful if you would also charge me double the original quotation as I appreciate that I have wasted some of your most valuable time with my misunderstandings. I've always believed the old saying "The blatant purveyor of pseudo-scientific claptrap is always right" and, of course, it goes without saying that the sleeves will have a much better acoustic performance if I pay double what you were asking. Rest assured that it will be me who will be laughing all the way to the bank to withdraw my life savings.

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Logarhythm



Joined: 30/03/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Sunny Devon, UK
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111656 - 14/07/14 02:55 PM
Sir, I thank you for your understanding and will of course reinstate your order. Rest assured, my desire to relieve you of large quantities of cash knows no bounds, and I won’t hesitate to repeatedly make up things of the sort that I think you want to hear until I’m sat on a beach in the Caribbean.
Indeed it is refreshing to meet a gentleman who understands the absolute direct link between price and quality, and I am sure you will be flattered to know that you seem like exactly the sort of cloth-eared wallet on legs that will allow me to carry on smoking whatever it is that led me to write all of this gobbledegook whilst basically being a bum with a soldering iron and delusions of brilliance.
Given your wish to pay a much higher amount, what I think I can do as a special order for my best (and currently only...) customer is to include cabling with the sleeves. I will of course be using laboratory grade (99.999% pure) Silver, as any self-respecting audiophile knows this is the best material for the job, irrespective of any common sense or scientific justification to the contrary. OK, so anyone who has actually ever worked with silver at this level of purity will tell you that it tarnishes pretty much as soon as you show it a photograph of air or moisture, and that will change its electrical properties fairly significantly, but as long as you are prepared to listen to your stereo in a hermetically sealed vacuum with no moisture present at all then they should be absolutely brilliant. And let’s be honest – who amongst us hasn’t already done this in order to ensure maximum sound quality?
If you’ve never tried this then I’d highly recommend it*, as you’ll be amazed how much easier it is for your favourite speakers to work when they don’t have all that nasty heavy air for the cones to move

As a special loyalty offer, I’d also like to introduce you to my newest product line. By following my soon-to-be-patented product development cycle (see above), I have identified a gap in the market for extremely high end headphones. As I’m sure you have noticed, current favourites from the likes of Beats by Dre are far too subtle and the rather tacky white plastic really doesn’t do justice to a product at the top of the market sector. I think the design could be significantly improved by adding a 6ft pole to the headphones, with a selection of flashing lights on top – this way, everyone will definitely be able to see how much you are prepared to spend in the interests of sound quality, as empirically determined by the eyes and wallet – no ears or analytical measurements required.
I’ve yet to determine what materials are best suited to this – obviously gold is a strong preference amongst audiophiles, thanks I suspect to being vulgar and ostentatious in a particularly time-tested fashion. I’m aware that it’s a fairly high density metal, and thus it might prove fatiguing on ones neck muscles after more than a few seconds of wearing 20+kg headphones with a giant pole on top, so I’ll include a matching branded carbon fibre neck brace for just £3000 extra. Again, this will help ensure that other people can see how much you care about sound.
Also, as this is at a very early stage I can try to accommodate any personal preferences you may have – for example, I was consider doing some imaginary experiments with quasicrystals. I’ve no idea what they are, and am yet to make up a reason they would be advantageous when used in headphones, but I read that some bloke won the Nobel Prize in physics a little while ago for his discovery of them, and therefore they are very advanced and must unequivocally sound brilliant. Certainly I don’t think any of us can argue with a Nobel laureate, irrespective of how much knowledge we may pretend to have about these things
Just let me know if this would be of interest and I’ll add a pair to your order.

*I feel obliged to add the disclaimer that I don’t really recommend this. Putting yourself in a vacuum with no oxygen is a generally bad idea, even if you’re an audiophile


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Huge Longjohns
long-serving member


Joined: 10/04/03
Posts: 1953
Loc: Where the black rocks stand gu...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111698 - 14/07/14 08:14 PM
Quote:

so anyone who has actually ever worked with silver at this level of purity will tell you that it tarnishes pretty much as soon as you show it a photograph of air or moisture,




I find this new scientific nugget of information particularly interesting and highly relevant. Thank you so, so much for enlightening me.

You see, my current studio room is adorned with a set of three very rare glow-in-the dark acrylic on velvet seascape prints entitled "Margate Pier and Amusement Arcade by Moonlight 1972". They are, I gather from the dealer who sold me them, by the famed local artist Winfield and, indeed, his name is clearly visible on the back.

I was jolly lucky that the aforementioned dealer seemed to take a shine to me and he let me have the three for £10,000. Apparently the National Gallery had offered £50,000 but my dealer friend was expecting a delivery of newly discovered Picassos from China, he said, so needed the room.

But, to get back to the point, what a good job you mentioned the picture of moisture thing in passing! What a red face I'd have had if your silver cabling had failed to work to its full potential in my studio simply because I hadn't removed my prized water-themed artworks to another room!!

I'll have to come back to you on the headphones tomorrow, if that's ok, as I want to move the paintings out right now so that any visual moisture artefacts have dispersed well before the cabling and sleeves arrive. Excited is not the word!

--------------------
"Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority it is time to pause and reflect" Mark Twain


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Studio Support Gnome
Not so Miserable Git


Joined: 22/07/03
Posts: 9349
Loc: UK *but works all over the pl...
Re: £907 for a jack lead! new [Re: Huge Longjohns]
      #1111714 - 14/07/14 11:16 PM
I'm saving and printing this thread for my archive of funniest conversations ever……

--------------------
Don't get the hump when i tell you it's going to be expensive, it's not my fault , you picked the site/building/room â


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