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Korem Yoshi



Joined: 07/06/05
Posts: 16
Pop music track new
      #145176 - 19/06/05 09:53 PM
Bass and guitar recorded in my student room ... the rest I did in Reason. (but eventually never finished cause I got sick for a really really long time)
Nonetheless, we have had the chance to be remarked by someone and the band 'Clouseau' (famous in belgium and holland) will be reviewing this for their new cd in july! So gotta get a good lyric on this .. in dutch. And oh man, I suck at it :d Everytime it get's funny

if anyone there is a talented song writer (I mean the lyrics of course), you are most welcome
So far 3 lyrics have been written (one dutch, 2 in english) but none of them seem to tell the right story or reflect the same feelings as the melody ..

http://users.pandora.be/guerilla_tactics/take%20one(izo).mp3
(p.s.: protected by sabam )


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Andreas Bygdell



Joined: 15/11/04
Posts: 800
Loc: Gothenburg, Sweden
Re: Pop music track new [Re: Korem Yoshi]
      #145179 - 19/06/05 10:18 PM
I think you forgot to put the song in there.

"but none of them seem to tell the right story or reflect the same feelings as the melody .."

That's not a melody, that's an arpeggio.


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Robert_Logan



Joined: 09/06/05
Posts: 27
Re: Pop music track new [Re: Korem Yoshi]
      #145231 - 20/06/05 06:22 AM
I wouldn't call that a pop track. It was a pretty pleasant listen, though. Reminds me very much of early Moby records, what with the strings, repeated arpeggios, and little piano riffs.

I think there could be a bigger build up (it builds up the the middle point, and then wonders around about after that point.) The string part also got a bit aimless at some points; try tightening it up.

But I enjoyed the tune overall.


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Ben



Joined: 27/06/03
Posts: 1887
Loc: Oxford
Re: Pop music track [Re: Andreas Bygdell]
      #145340 - 20/06/05 12:26 PM
Quote Andreas Bygdell:

That's not a melody, that's an arpeggio.




...which is a melody. I agree that this needs quite a bit of development, but I would say there is definately a song there. It needs vocals, a bit of variation and it needs to make sure it doesn't go on too long. But I think the guitar progression is a very effective starting point for a track.


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Andreas Bygdell



Joined: 15/11/04
Posts: 800
Loc: Gothenburg, Sweden
Re: Pop music track new [Re: Ben]
      #145542 - 20/06/05 08:12 PM
Quote Ben:

...which is a melody. I agree that this needs quite a bit of development, but I would say there is definately a song there. It needs vocals, a bit of variation and it needs to make sure it doesn't go on too long. But I think the guitar progression is a very effective starting point for a track.



We could get overly philosophical on this subject but I'll just agree with you and admit that my choice of words wasn't the best...

BUT, (God, I like that word...) as the title suggested that this is a pop song I expected it to contain a proper lead melody. A repeated arepggio doesn't really serve that purpose, though it's a nice arpeggio. He's asking for someone to write lyrics for his song, not a complete topline for his instrumental track.


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