Here is a song i wrote for my Brother a while back. I wrote it as an apology to him after we fell out.

After he heard it, we made up and have been closer than ever since then. It amazing what a few words can do.

Please let me know what you think.

It's the top track here.

http://www.reverbnation.com/markstothard

Thank you
Mark.

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http://www.reverbnation.com/markstothard

Hi Mark

I'm finding it really difficult to comment on your song: it's such a deeply personal statement, and with a specific purpose which it clearly served. You're definitely into territory which I as a rule try and avoid: overt lyrical sentiment. I think its the most difficult thing to convey vocally by a long shot... personally my cop out is to sing nonsense, which puts the ball in the listeners court, where they can ascribe their own meaning, or not as the case may be :-)

If I was to stick a cold hard producer hat on, what occurs to me is that the scale of delivery masks the intimacy of the message. I would be inclined to suggest taking it down a few notches, and make it a bit less impassioned. Instrumentally, I really liked the fiddle, lovely lines and touches ... I could really hear it along with a jazzy trio: you on vox/piano, double bass and brush kit. That might create some space and allow the fiddle and piano to weave ambiguously around your vocal line - it definitely strikes me as a song that should be delivered acoustically, ideally live, and trying to catch that "one" take with the vibe right on the nail.

After your praise of my track a few posts down, I feel a bit bad not responding in kind, but hope this helps, sorry, sorry!

Cheers
Chris

I agree with many of Soundseed's thoughts on this track - especially the difficulties present in putting forward such an intimate and confessional track. I think you've done it thoughtfully and cleverly.

Objectivity does go out of the window when remarking on a track like this, because it's so personal to you. However, as a song it grabs your attention and holds you there - which is what any good piece of music should do. The singing in particular is great - warm, expressive and engaging.

I especially love the plaintive sting break - I could have happily listened to another 4 or 8 bars of that.

My one and only criticism would be that in places I felt the upper harmonies were unnecessary. I loved it when the harmonies served as "punctuation marks" in the song, but at times I felt there was too much harmony going off, to the point that it robbed the track of it's intimacy sometimes.

All in all it's a great track and if I'd written it I would be really proud of it.

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Gear: Mac Pro running Logic Pro 9. Fireface 800, Rode Classic 2 Mike, Virus Ti & Various other Synths and Outboard.

Edited by Oscardelta (17/06/10 06:28 PM)

Hi Soundseed, thanks for taking the time to listen and comment.

Your comments are very much appreciated. The vocals are by a friend of mine and the fiddle too. The rest is me.

I think the aim here was to make a song that could portray my feelings, and allow me to apologise.

My Brother seemed to like the song very much and we settled our differences.

Turning this into a Jazz trio is very interesting, but i wouldn't know where to begin with that.

Definitely no hard feelings from me regarding your comments. This is how we improve in my opinion.

Kind regards
Mark.

Quote Soundseed:

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Hi Mark

I'm finding it really difficult to comment on your song: it's such a deeply personal statement, and with a specific purpose which it clearly served. You're definitely into territory which I as a rule try and avoid: overt lyrical sentiment. I think its the most difficult thing to convey vocally by a long shot... personally my cop out is to sing nonsense, which puts the ball in the listeners court, where they can ascribe their own meaning, or not as the case may be :-)

If I was to stick a cold hard producer hat on, what occurs to me is that the scale of delivery masks the intimacy of the message. I would be inclined to suggest taking it down a few notches, and make it a bit less impassioned. Instrumentally, I really liked the fiddle, lovely lines and touches ... I could really hear it along with a jazzy trio: you on vox/piano, double bass and brush kit. That might create some space and allow the fiddle and piano to weave ambiguously around your vocal line - it definitely strikes me as a song that should be delivered acoustically, ideally live, and trying to catch that "one" take with the vibe right on the nail.

After your praise of my track a few posts down, I feel a bit bad not responding in kind, but hope this helps, sorry, sorry!

Cheers
Chris

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http://www.reverbnation.com/markstothard

Hi Oscardelta.

Thank you so very much too.

After you pointed out the upper harmonies, i have to agree. This is something i will fix in the next mix.

I love the string break too and could listen to it all day, however the person who played it for me is very busy, as everyone wants to use his talents on their tracks it seems, so i don't think i could bother him again for this song. I will pass your comments to him though.

Thanks again
Mark.

Quote Oscardelta:

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I agree with many of Soundseed's thoughts on this track - especially the difficulties present in putting forward such an intimate and confessional track. I think you've done it thoughtfully and cleverly.

Objectivity does go out of the window when remarking on a track like this, because it's so personal to you. However, as a song it grabs your attention and holds you there - which is what any good piece of music should do. The singing in particular is great - warm, expressive and engaging.

I especially love the plaintive sting break - I could have happily listened to another 4 or 8 bars of that.

My one and only criticism would be that in places I felt the upper harmonies were unnecessary. I loved it when the harmonies served as "punctuation marks" in the song, but at times I felt there was too much harmony going off, to the point that it robbed the track of it's intimacy sometimes.

All in all it's a great track and if I'd written it I would be really proud of it.

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http://www.reverbnation.com/markstothard