Quote The Bunk:

---

The Monkees from Daydream Believer:
"My shaving razor's cold, and it stings...". Awful.

---

John Stewart wrote that song. I thought the lyrics were great!
Often when the horrible sound of my alarm wakes me I think of that line "The six o'clock alarm would never ring..."
Dream on...

--------------------
Adam Inglis
A Disco Ate My BABY!

Quote Adam Inglis:

---

Quote The Bunk:

---

The Monkees from Daydream Believer:
"My shaving razor's cold, and it stings...". Awful.

---

John Stewart wrote that song. I thought the lyrics were great!
Often when the horrible sound of my alarm wakes me I think of that line "The six o'clock alarm would never ring..."
Dream on...

---

...it's just that one line about the razor, it really sounds as though they are trying to crow-bar it in to scan.

Maybe it'd have been more fitting if they just sung what they really felt: "My f**king razor's cold, and it stings" which is a much better description of how you feel about that kind of thing at 6-ish in the morning. Might not have got so much aiplay, of course....

Much as I love New Order, Barney can come up with some real clunkers.

From Slow Jam:

"...I got thirsty for a beer
Then I had to go to sea
The sea was very rough
It make me feel sick
But I like that kind of stuff
It beats arithmetic..."

Class! Er...

--------------------
* Soundcloud *
* Bandcamp *

Often credited to John Denver, but I'm certain I recall from ~45 years ago hearing it by Homer & Jethro.

--------------------
resident troublemaker, http://forum.frugalguitarist.com/

Well... there's intentionally bad ("Horses Run Around" is sorta Roaring Twenties psychedelia: "We feed the baby garlic so we can find him in the dark."), there's pretentious-portentious (hey, I like death metal), there's soulful laugh-getters.

As a pro composer told me many years ago, "Poetry isn't lyrics; lyrics aren't poetry." (He was accomplished in both.) I'll find myself singing along with some tune on the radio, then I stop & laugh as the nonsense of it dawns on me. If anything in particular runs by, I'll note it.

--------------------
resident troublemaker, http://forum.frugalguitarist.com/

Oooh, yah: Steve Miller, "Take the Money and Run." Cringe-inducing failed rhymes, even as a sing-along.

--------------------
resident troublemaker, http://forum.frugalguitarist.com/

I have to agree with The Elf for Des'ree Life, terrible lyrics:

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Although in her defence she openly admits it was terrible. I think she was awarded a 'Worst Lyric Ever' award by Mark and Lard a few years back and did an interview with them about it.


J

A Horse with No Name
Bunnell and Dewey

On the first part of the journey,
I was looking at all the life.
There were plants and birds and rocks and things,
and sand and hills and rings.

The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz,
and the sky with no clouds.
The heat was hot, and the ground was dry,
but the air was full of sounds.

... and that's just Verse 1! The chorus is lame too, as are the other verses. The music is pretty banal as well, so of course all that goes to explain why it reached #1 platinum status!


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Horse_with_No_Name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRY361U3A5Y

--------------------
Alexis -Cubase 6.5.0/SX3.1.1.944, XP SP2, 4GB RAM (1GB not accessible, but used just to balance the computer so it doesn't tip over); Delta 66 in Omni i/O Studio; Motif8; UAD-1

Quote porthoss78:

---

I have to agree with The Elf for Des'ree Life, terrible lyrics:

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Although in her defence she openly admits it was terrible. I think she was awarded a 'Worst Lyric Ever' award by Mark and Lard a few years back and did an interview with them about it.


J

---

She apologised profusely about the piss-poor lyric, as she sipped on the pinacolada cocktail, on the balcony of her Spanish villa, courteously paid for by her most recent of PRS cheques! :-)

Quote TheChorltonWheelie:

---

Quote porthoss78:

---

I have to agree with The Elf for Des'ree Life, terrible lyrics:

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Although in her defence she openly admits it was terrible. I think she was awarded a 'Worst Lyric Ever' award by Mark and Lard a few years back and did an interview with them about it.


J

---

She apologised profusely about the piss-poor lyric, as she sipped on the pinacolada cocktail, on the balcony of her Spanish villa, courteously paid for by her most recent of PRS cheques! :-)

---

Ha ha, probably very true...

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
And his black-and-white cat


Terrible. And I bet it made them a packet...

It still does. But it was written for a very young audience.

--------------------
Strictly project and just for fun

Quote Mixedup:

---

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
And his black-and-white cat


Terrible. And I bet it made them a packet...

---

Nowt wrong with that - does what it says on the tin.

"I wanna have sex with you" - in a Take That tune - sounds horrible and cringey!

--------------------
"insert witty comment about drummers or hob-nobs"

The most successful song with IMHO the silliest lyric is McArthur Park

Mac Arthur's Park is melting in the dark
all the sweet green icing flowing down
someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, nooo!

It was written by Jimmy Webb and it's been a Number One in several countries. It's been a Top Ten hit around the world and it's been covered over 50 times.

These are four reasons why I may be wrong, but that's still what I think. Respect Jimmy – for the courage to write a lyric so strange, that was so successful.

Marcus

--------------------
You live. You learn.

Quote Mixedup:

---

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
And his black-and-white cat

---

Well you are looking at a children's lyric through adult eyes.

The one I hate like that is:



Beer, beer, Smurfing Beer
You don't get drunk and it isn't dear


Marcus

--------------------
You live. You learn.

'ooo-ooo-ooo-oooh,
I wanna sex you up!'

Beat that.

--------------------
www.thediplomatz.com

Quote The_Big_Piano_Player:

---

wanna sex you up!'
Beat that.

---

I wanna sex you down?

I believe the couplet "And where there used to be some shops... is where the snipers sometimes hide" from The Lebanon by the Human League was once voted the "worst lyric of all time",
but I actually rather like it.

--------------------
~~~ A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are tossed with! www.feline1.co.uk ~~~

lenon -

'imagine theirs no heaven easy if you try no hell below us above us only sky'

so bascially lets pretend were atheist yeah? - not really the attitude is it extoling the virtues of atheistm in a peace song?

i dont get it - perhaps yoko nono penned the words which might explain why their crap

--------------------
www.colinskuttler.com

colin, I think if you go back & listen carefully you'll find it's actually a song about a girl called Imogen. Once you know this it all starts to make scents.

Now if only someone could explain the lyrics of 'Yes, Turdy' to me...

DM

--------------------
Not much in life worth running for. Or from.

Quote feline1:

---

I believe the couplet "And where there used to be some shops... is where the snipers sometimes hide" from The Lebanon by the Human League was once voted the "worst lyric of all time",
but I actually rather like it.

---

HL are great for that kind of thing. I particularly like:

A crow and a baby
Had an affair
(Crow and a Baby: Travelogue)

and, from the same album:

All I could see was the B-side of the disc which had assumed a doughnut shape with the label on the outside rim. I reached for the arm which was less than one micron long but weighed more than Saturn...
(The Black Hit of Space)

And let's not forget that song about silkworms. Wonderful stuff, and I couldn't hate it if I tried, but I expect a lot of folk would find it plain rubbish. And then go and listen to Black Eyed Peas.

Bermuda Triangle
It makes people disappear

--------------------
Skiving off work for a year to try composing - I'll need some good luck.....

I'm glad that somebody mentioned Horse With No Name and saved me the trouble of looking the awful thing up and writing it out.

Quote alexis:

---

There were plants and birds and rocks and things,
and sand and hills and rings.

---

That has to be one of the worst couplets ever. "and things" looks like a desperate attempt to come up with a rhyme, until you see "and rings" and realise that it's pretty much just a stoned rant. But stoned rants were all the rage then, so who cared...

Quote:

---

The heat was hot

---

The Profoundometer dropped off the scale with that one too.

Quote:

---

... and that's just Verse 1! The chorus is lame too, as are the other verses. The music is pretty banal as well, so of course all that goes to explain why it reached #1 platinum status!

---

It's vintage stuff. I guess you had to be there.


MInd you, we all write crap sometimes, so I shouldn't laugh too loud....

I'm a big fan of Interpol, but this what Banksy sings in Obstacle 1 is shocking:

"Her stories are boring and stuff, she's always calling my bluff"

Some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard were written by the songwriters in one of my old bands, dear God, they just could not write lyrics.

"It's not OK, I heard you say
We stay at home, it's safe you know
Stay out tonight, let's live and lie"

--------------------
Do you need real drum tracks? http://www.drumtracksdirect.co.uk/

Quote onesecondglance:

---

Tinie Tempah - Pass Out

various gems including but not limited to "I got so many clothes I keep some in my aunt's house".

---

SECONDED, Anything by Tinie Tempah wins by a country mile.

Mike Oldfield's Ommadawn - the short track after it, On Horseback, includes the wonderful:

Big brown beastie, big brown face
I'd rather be with you than flying through space

Unless I'm hearing it wrong.

>Tinie Tempah - Pass Out
>various gems including but not limited to "I got so many clothes I keep some in my aunt's house".

So maybe it was his lyrics that Gemma Atheron was so unhappy about?

I am a fan of Paul Weller and the Jam but what was he thinking when he wrote "put on the kettle and make some tea, its all a part of feeling groovy".

Anything by the Pet Food Boys. I inadvertently hit R2 today and was treated to a barrage of absolute gibberish. I'll post details if I can bring myself to hunt it down.

--------------------
Ohm's Law states, "Your PA isn't as powerful as you think it is".

That Christina Perry 'Jar of Hearts' single has a memorably bad couplet:

'You're going to catch a cold / From the ice inside your soul'

Quote Sam Inglis:

---

That Christina Perry 'Jar of Hearts' single has a memorably bad couplet:

'You're going to catch a cold / From the ice inside your soul'

---

that one is really painful to listen to. almost as bad as Ed Sheeran's "crumbling like pastries" in The A Team.

--------------------
hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

Quote MarcusH:

---

Not exactly answering the question, but here are a few annoying lines, from artists/songs that are actually quite good.


"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police


"Why do I find it hard to write the next line?"

… Gary Kemp/Spandau Ballet


"And that's a good line to take it to the bridge."

…Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers

Marcus

---

Well if you don't like the first one I can only presume that you haven't read Lolita.

The last one is obviously a placeholder which never got replaced - although Robbie and Guy did write some very knowing lyrics - perhaps more annoying than bad.

But Spandau - this cannot be the worst example you can find, can we just drop all of their songs into this?

--------------------
Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

Quote colin s:

---

lenon -

'imagine theirs no heaven easy if you try no hell below us above us only sky'

so bascially lets pretend were atheist yeah? - not really the attitude is it extoling the virtues of atheistm in a peace song?

i dont get it - perhaps yoko nono penned the words which might explain why their crap

---

I don't get it - why wouldn't you extol the virtues of atheism in a peace song? This is a music foruma nd not a religion bashing forum, so I won't harp on about it, but you don't need to be a genius to see the deaths religion has caused. Lennon's proposition is a reasonable one, albeit idealised.

And please learn how to use their they're and there - and you managed to get every instance wrong.

--------------------
Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

Well there's always Bike by Pink Floyd...

I've got a bike.
You can ride it if you like.
It's got a basket, a bell that rings,
and things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things.

I've got a cloak, it's a bit of a joke.
There's a tear up the front, it's red and black,
I've had it for months.
If you think it could look good then I guess it should.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things

I know a mouse and he hasn't got a house.
I don't know why I call him Gerald.
He's getting rather old but he's a good mouse.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things.

I've got a clan of gingerbread men.
Here a man, there a man, lots of gingerbread men.
Take a couple if you wish, they're on the dish.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things

I know a room of musical tunes.
Some rhyme, some ching, most of them are clockwork.

Let's go into the other room and make them work.

--------------------
Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

Children, be warned. Drugs ++++ you up.

--------------------
Ohm's Law states, "Your PA isn't as powerful as you think it is".

Shame on you Daniel Davis, picking on a simple, beautiful soul. And picking on Syd Barrett too.

Quote Daniel Davis:

---

Quote MarcusH:

---

"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police

---

... I can only presume that you haven't read Lolita.

---

I got the reference to Lolita alright – I just don't like the lyric. I find the both the rhyme, and the literary reference, a bit too self-conscious. But on the other hand, compared to some of the other awful examples here, it's actually not that bad.

What was that pop song years back, something like... I like to eat a bit of toast then I thought I saw a ghost, lol.

SafeandSound Mastering

--------------------
Mastering online mastering

What about my lovely horse from Father Ted?

'I want to shower you with sugarlumps and ride you over fences, polish your hoofes every single day and take you to the horse dentist'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YivhhrYmRY&feature=fvst

Quote MarcusH:

---

Quote Daniel Davis:

---

Quote MarcusH:

---

"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police

---

... I can only presume that you haven't read Lolita.

---

I got the reference to Lolita alright – I just don't like the lyric. I find the both the rhyme, and the literary reference, a bit too self-conscious. But on the other hand, compared to some of the other awful examples here, it's actually not that bad.

---

Ha, you think that's bad, but when I was a kid and first heard it Don't Stand So Close To Me, I had never heard of Nabakov but I had heard of Neville Cole... *cough*

Think I'll go and hide after that revelation...

--------------------
* Soundcloud *
* Bandcamp *