.




As i was casually flicking between sky channels (early last year) I stumbled upon BBC 2 coverage of a folk festival where a very respectable tv presenter raved on and on about the next act due to appear on stage.. stating that they were the 'best thing to happen to folk in a long long time'!

Well.. that boast certainly perked up my ears, as I was now expecting to hear something as brilliant and as unique as say.. 'Mumford & Sons'?
Looking back.. and to think I was so close to changing channel... I'm certainly glad that I didn't.

The band was full of good players and fair play to them but the female lead singer was quite husky and grating to listen to.
She then sang one of the worst lyrics I've ever heard.
The lyric to this chorus has stayed with me till now and will probably never leave me!

Remember.. the song is a kinda love song to an old flame and obviously her ex lover didn't turn to her when he/she needed help?

The lyric in question was.... 'I'M THE RIP CORD YOU DID'NT PULL'!


Even my 11year old burst out laughing when he heard it!

The song was meant to be a serious sad song and in no way humorous!


ANYBODY ELSE HEARD A BAD LYRIC... THEN PLEASE.. DO SHARE IT WITH US HERE?


Go on... Give us a laugh!





.

Edited by sthum (20/11/11 07:53 PM)

"If I was a sculptor, but then again.....no"
I think that Elton was simply dictating this line to a scribe of some description got to "but then again" and then decided "actually...no, next line!"

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"Insert witty snippet about my music" - http://soundcloud.com/realisms/sets/realisms-e-p/

When James Blunt first appeared on 'Later with Jules' I'd never heard of him. Thought he had a slightly odd voice but was rather enjoying 'Goodbye my lover'.

He was giving it some and the emotion was pouring out of him. I believed the heartbreak he was suffering. And then came the line

'I know you well, I know your smell'.

Eye wateringly bad, bad lyric. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLke1hx6Viw a minute in if you must.

Instantly translated by me into 'You broke my heart, I sniffed your.....' which I think would have worked a lot better in the general ethos of this utterly stinky song.

Many years ago now, the late lamented Kenny Everett ran a crap records chart on London's capital radio...I remember a country song including the lyric

"you done stomped on my aorta, like you didn't oughtta.."

But no idea who...

Des'ree - Life.

Easily the worst lyric ever written IMO. Strewth, even if the desperate rhymes and pathetic chorus weren't enough, the singer even claims she keeps a rabbit's TAIL for luck. Yeeeeeeeah.....

--------------------
An Eagle for an Emperor, A Kestrel for a Knave.

'Yes-ter-day was Thurs-day, Thurs-day. To day it is Fri-day, Fri-day. Tomorrow is Sat-ur-day, and Sun-day, comes af-ter-wards.'

These are genuine lyrics. Not a joke.

Need I say anymore? For any lyric you can think of, this song will have one worst. Not least the HORRENDOUS backing vocals if you listen carefully, and the way getting is pronounced gittin.

If you haven't seen this before;

1. Where have you been?
2. Prepare yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsfOSbJY0

Genuinely hurts me inside a bit when I hear it. I don't say that as a joke, really do feel saddened. Cheesy pop made to sell records has been around for yonks in some form, but this has ZERO substance. Nothing.

There's no bathroom, and there is no sink,
The water out the tap is very hard to drink,
Very hard to drink.

Tomorrow, Silverchair

--------------------
Not much in life worth running for. Or from.

I have still yet to hear anything worse than Snap's all time cringeworthy lyric of:

"I'm as serious as Cancer, When I say Rhythm is a dancer"

I still can't believe they got away with that when Frankie GTH got banned for Relax





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MBP 17", PC 100(Nubus Protools) Motu 896, X-Station, Logic9, Reason6, Korg legacy, ACE, Alchemy, Emax II, E-Synth, Evolver MEK, Waldorf Pulse and Blofeld, AS Telemark, AS Leipzig-S

My dad was in a band in the 60s and spent the decades afterwards repeatedly denying that it was him that came up with the line 'the pain is sore'

As for the big bands - worst lyrics have got to be coldplay. Book of clichés and a rhyming dictionary - job done...

Quote Dynamic Mike:

---

There's no bathroom, and there is no sink,
The water out the tap is very hard to drink,
Very hard to drink.

Tomorrow, Silverchair

---

I always thought the last line was 'hot to drink'. Not sure which is worse... A song about drinking from the hot tap, or about calcium in the water supply?

The inane repetition of anything by Scouting for Girls does my head in.

She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
She's so lovely
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know

House of Pain - Jump around. I particularly remember "a terminator like Arnold Schwartzenegger, trying to play out like as if my name was Sega" (with 'Sega' pronounced 'Segger'). Reading the lyrics just now though, I realise I'd forgotten how bad the whole song was, so it's hard to pick a worst line from the rest that I'd mercifully blotted from my memory.

Of course, there's always composers who set up singers with unfortunate phrasing.

"When I am laid, am lai-ai-ai-aid - in earth". Possibly excusable, given that "laid" might not have had that meaning at Purcell's time.

But there's no excuse for "For we like sheep, for we like sheep, for we like sheep have gone astray", with an entire choir singing multiple parts of "for we like sheep". There's no way I could sing that myself without feeling the need to make baa-ing noises occasionally. (And I *really* feel sorry for any Welsh or Kiwi choirs doing it anywhere other than home turf...)

Yes, I seem to remember that the Newman text for Elgar's Dream of Gerontius has some pretty questionable lines in too.

Quote grab:

---

But there's no excuse for "For we like sheep, for we like sheep, for we like sheep have gone astray", with an entire choir singing multiple parts of "for we like sheep". There's no way I could sing that myself without feeling the need to make baa-ing noises occasionally. (And I *really* feel sorry for any Welsh or Kiwi choirs doing it anywhere other than home turf...)

---

You absoutely correct. Sang this in the school choir. We drove the music teacher to distraction with the ovine impersonations.

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* Soundcloud *
* Bandcamp *

See the tree, how big it's grown,
but friend, it hasn't been too long, it wasn't big.
I laughed at her and she got mad,
the first day that she planted it was just a twig.

Honey by Bobby Goldsboro

ick

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How appropriate, you fight like a cow.

Ed sheeran- And if your DVD breaks today
You should've got a VCR
Because I've never owned a blue ray, true say

I know that I must do what's right
As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serangetti

from Africa by Toto

has to be one of the worst scanning lines of all time.

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Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

This is an old 'un:

Cold December wind
Have I really sinned
Good Lord needs to show me I'm a man
Making love's beginned

the song is Good Lord Knows by Quatermass back in, it must be, 1969-70. The rest of the song is nearly as bad. Good instrumental band but hopeless lyricist.

CC

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Put the fun back into dysfunctional.
Mr Punch's Studio

The Monkees from Daydream Believer:
"My shaving razor's cold, and it stings...". Awful.

I think the winner, though, has to be Def Leppard's "I suppose a rock's out of the question" from "Let's Get Rocked".

Tinie Tempah - Pass Out

various gems including but not limited to "I got so many clothes I keep some in my aunt's house".

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hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

'Slowly walking down the hall, Faster than a cannonball' occurs to me quite strongly.

I can think of two contenders to mind.

Black Eyed Peas 'My Humps'. I was going to pick out a particular lyric which was garbage but it's all garbage.

The second contender is possibly a controversial one.

From a song which is terrible titled

'The End'

'Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold'

and
'The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest'

These lyrics are so bad, whoever wrote them and the band will be forgotten about as they were so terrible.... Nope, they were Jim Morrison/The Doors who many years on are still well known (which I don't think many of the other contenders in this thread will be...)

--------------------
http://soundcloud.com/earwighoney

Quote caveman82:

---

'The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest'

---

I take that as a quote in those lyrics of something banal.
Riding the snake I believe is something about being helped through a bad acid trip.
Seems generally reasonable to me given the shtick, although I give you that old and cold could be reconsidered, and there's some mileagae in the sixth form poetryness of Morrison road.

That was my contravertion.

Quote caveman82:

---

These lyrics are so bad, whoever wrote them and the band will be forgotten about as they were so terrible.... Nope, they were Jim Morrison/The Doors who many years on are still well known (which I don't think many of the other contenders in this thread will be...)

---

It's a state of mind thing. I first heard that song in 1969 at the age of 18 while under the influence of, shall we say, certain herbs, in a very dimly lit room in (for some reason) Bradford. To this day if I hear The End it takes me back to the room and even the state of mind.

Otherwise I'd probably agree with you.

CC

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Put the fun back into dysfunctional.
Mr Punch's Studio

" Only time will tell if we stand the test of time "
Van Halen - Why Can't This Be Love

--------------------
Music is it's own reward .

"I'm feeling supersonic. Give me gin and tonic".

Quote JMulvale:

---

Honey by Bobby Goldsboro

---

If it were most bizarre, most odd and most perverse song, it'd definitely be "Summer the first time" by Bobby. Great piano relief, but a mentally odd song.

"Sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti" - Africa, Toto.

It's the phrasing of "Se-ren-get-eeeee" that drives me mental!!

This one by Cast, has always got right on my tit-ends:

"I guess I'm alright, guess I'm alright.
I guess I'm doing fine, guess I'm doing fine,
D'you think I miss you? d'you think I care?
D'you think I'll lie here and die?
You never even tried,you never even tried."

It's banal, unimaginitive, wishy-washy, and it doesn't scan or rhyme.

--------------------
Battle flags are flown at the feet of a garden gnome.

any song which uses the following detritus:

"I'm gonna put on my dancing shoes"

--------------------
I'm All Ears.

a never again to be repeated lyric from a welsh metal band with an environmental conscience back in the early 90's


"this world of ours is in a state that could be beaten by an empty milk crate. "


no, i will not divulge any more details..... i get a headache just remembering THAT one....

Clearly, this:


"Say your prayers little one
Don't forget my son
To include everyone
I tuck you in
Warm within
Keep you free from sin
'Til the sandman he comes

Sleep with one eye open
Gripping your pillow tight

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We're off to never never-land

Something's wrong, shut the light
Heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren't of snow white
Dreams of war
Dreams of lies
Dreams of dragons fire
And of things that will bite, yeah

Sleep with one eye open
Grippin' your pillow tight
Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We're off to never never-land

(Whisper)
Now I lay me down to sleep (x2)
Pray the lord my soul to keep (x2)
And if I die before I wake (x2)
Pray the lord my soul to take (x2)

Hush little baby don't say a word
And never mind that noise you heard
It's just the beast under your bed
In your closet in your head

Exit light
Enter night
Grain of sand

Exit light
Enter night
Take my hand
We're off to never never-land

We're off to never never-land

Take my hand
We're off to never never-land
Take my hand
We're off to never never-land

We're off to never never-land"

Also, pretty much anything Chris Martin's ever written. He's just awful.

But my favourite all-time awful lyric is this - from my own band, Tate! (it's track 5 on the list - "Spend some time away" - you've really got to hear the phrasing to appreciate the magnificence). The lyric is:

"And if you give me half a chance
I'd take you down to France...

...for a holiday"

--------------------
"We knocked on the doors of Hell's darker chambers..." But no-one answered, so we went to the pub instead.

Ooh - and "Nikita" by Elton John...

"...with eyes that looked like ice on fire..."

AAAAAAAAARRRRGGHHH!!!

--------------------
"We knocked on the doors of Hell's darker chambers..." But no-one answered, so we went to the pub instead.

Sandman's not that bad. just listen to "The View"!

"I am the tablet!!!"

--------------------
hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

Quote onesecondglance:

---

Sandman's not that bad. just listen to "The View"!

"I am the tablet!!!"

---

Um, are you sure?

"Heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren't of snow white
Dreams of war
Dreams of lies
Dreams of dragons fire
And of things that will bite, yeah "

Although, yeah, "I am the tablet" is pretty exceptional!

--------------------
"We knocked on the doors of Hell's darker chambers..." But no-one answered, so we went to the pub instead.

Bermuda Triangle
It makes people disappear
Bermuda Triangle
Don't go too near

Not exactly answering the question, but here are a few annoying lines, from artists/songs that are actually quite good.


"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police


"Why do I find it hard to write the next line?"

… Gary Kemp/Spandau Ballet


"And that's a good line to take it to the bridge."

…Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers

Marcus

--------------------
You live. You learn.

Quote Phil Reynolds:

---

Quote onesecondglance:

---

Sandman's not that bad. just listen to "The View"!

"I am the tablet!!!"

---

Um, are you sure?

"Heavy thoughts tonight
And they aren't of snow white
Dreams of war
Dreams of lies
Dreams of dragons fire
And of things that will bite, yeah "

Although, yeah, "I am the tablet" is pretty exceptional!

---

thing with Metallica is that you have to have to judge the canon as a whole. so when you have such joys as "Do you choose what I choose? / More alternatives / Energy derives from both the plus and negative" from Eye Of The Beholder, or the strange obsession with fitting "leather" into as many lyrics as possible on Kill 'Em All (cf "The leather armies have prevailed" on Phantom Lord, "... on leather steeds they ride" from The Four Horsemen, etc.) then such absurdities as Sandman pale in comparison

i'm a lifelong 'tallica fan so i've heard some of their absolute worst!

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hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

Quote Richard Graham:

---

This one by Cast, has always got right on my tit-ends:

"I guess I'm alright, guess I'm alright.
I guess I'm doing fine, guess I'm doing fine,
D'you think I miss you? d'you think I care?
D'you think I'll lie here and die?
You never even tried,you never even tried."

It's banal, unimaginitive, wishy-washy, and it doesn't scan or rhyme.

---

yup.

plus anything from boys Gallagher....

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Battenburg to the power of 20 - said by Richie Royale in a moment of genius. 4pm. Wed 16th Nov 2011. Remember where you were....

Quote caveman82:

---

'The End'

'Ride the snake, ride the snake
To the lake, the ancient lake, baby
The snake is long, seven miles
Ride the snake...he's old, and his skin is cold'

and
'The west is the best
The west is the best
Get here, and we'll do the rest'

These lyrics are so bad, whoever wrote them and the band will be forgotten about as they were so terrible.... Nope, they were Jim Morrison/The Doors who many years on are still well known (which I don't think many of the other contenders in this thread will be...)

---

time and place matters. Great lyrics for the time, the place and the feeling of the day.... wasteful, young, nihilistic. Simplicity does work. Just as WHO performs a song matters, so does who sings a lyric. Morrison makes those words WORK.

Quote The Bunk:

---

The Monkees from Daydream Believer:
"My shaving razor's cold, and it stings...". Awful.

---

John Stewart wrote that song. I thought the lyrics were great!
Often when the horrible sound of my alarm wakes me I think of that line "The six o'clock alarm would never ring..."
Dream on...

--------------------
Adam Inglis
A Disco Ate My BABY!

Quote Adam Inglis:

---

Quote The Bunk:

---

The Monkees from Daydream Believer:
"My shaving razor's cold, and it stings...". Awful.

---

John Stewart wrote that song. I thought the lyrics were great!
Often when the horrible sound of my alarm wakes me I think of that line "The six o'clock alarm would never ring..."
Dream on...

---

...it's just that one line about the razor, it really sounds as though they are trying to crow-bar it in to scan.

Maybe it'd have been more fitting if they just sung what they really felt: "My f**king razor's cold, and it stings" which is a much better description of how you feel about that kind of thing at 6-ish in the morning. Might not have got so much aiplay, of course....

Much as I love New Order, Barney can come up with some real clunkers.

From Slow Jam:

"...I got thirsty for a beer
Then I had to go to sea
The sea was very rough
It make me feel sick
But I like that kind of stuff
It beats arithmetic..."

Class! Er...

--------------------
* Soundcloud *
* Bandcamp *

Often credited to John Denver, but I'm certain I recall from ~45 years ago hearing it by Homer & Jethro.

--------------------
resident troublemaker, http://forum.frugalguitarist.com/

Well... there's intentionally bad ("Horses Run Around" is sorta Roaring Twenties psychedelia: "We feed the baby garlic so we can find him in the dark."), there's pretentious-portentious (hey, I like death metal), there's soulful laugh-getters.

As a pro composer told me many years ago, "Poetry isn't lyrics; lyrics aren't poetry." (He was accomplished in both.) I'll find myself singing along with some tune on the radio, then I stop & laugh as the nonsense of it dawns on me. If anything in particular runs by, I'll note it.

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resident troublemaker, http://forum.frugalguitarist.com/

Oooh, yah: Steve Miller, "Take the Money and Run." Cringe-inducing failed rhymes, even as a sing-along.

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resident troublemaker, http://forum.frugalguitarist.com/

I have to agree with The Elf for Des'ree Life, terrible lyrics:

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Although in her defence she openly admits it was terrible. I think she was awarded a 'Worst Lyric Ever' award by Mark and Lard a few years back and did an interview with them about it.


J

A Horse with No Name
Bunnell and Dewey

On the first part of the journey,
I was looking at all the life.
There were plants and birds and rocks and things,
and sand and hills and rings.

The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz,
and the sky with no clouds.
The heat was hot, and the ground was dry,
but the air was full of sounds.

... and that's just Verse 1! The chorus is lame too, as are the other verses. The music is pretty banal as well, so of course all that goes to explain why it reached #1 platinum status!


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Horse_with_No_Name

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRY361U3A5Y

--------------------
Alexis -Cubase 6.5.0/SX3.1.1.944, XP SP2, 4GB RAM (1GB not accessible, but used just to balance the computer so it doesn't tip over); Delta 66 in Omni i/O Studio; Motif8; UAD-1

Quote porthoss78:

---

I have to agree with The Elf for Des'ree Life, terrible lyrics:

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Although in her defence she openly admits it was terrible. I think she was awarded a 'Worst Lyric Ever' award by Mark and Lard a few years back and did an interview with them about it.


J

---

She apologised profusely about the piss-poor lyric, as she sipped on the pinacolada cocktail, on the balcony of her Spanish villa, courteously paid for by her most recent of PRS cheques! :-)

Quote TheChorltonWheelie:

---

Quote porthoss78:

---

I have to agree with The Elf for Des'ree Life, terrible lyrics:

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

Although in her defence she openly admits it was terrible. I think she was awarded a 'Worst Lyric Ever' award by Mark and Lard a few years back and did an interview with them about it.


J

---

She apologised profusely about the piss-poor lyric, as she sipped on the pinacolada cocktail, on the balcony of her Spanish villa, courteously paid for by her most recent of PRS cheques! :-)

---

Ha ha, probably very true...

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
And his black-and-white cat


Terrible. And I bet it made them a packet...

It still does. But it was written for a very young audience.

--------------------
Strictly project and just for fun

Quote Mixedup:

---

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
And his black-and-white cat


Terrible. And I bet it made them a packet...

---

Nowt wrong with that - does what it says on the tin.

"I wanna have sex with you" - in a Take That tune - sounds horrible and cringey!

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"insert witty comment about drummers or hob-nobs"

The most successful song with IMHO the silliest lyric is McArthur Park

Mac Arthur's Park is melting in the dark
all the sweet green icing flowing down
someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
and I'll never have that recipe again
Oh, nooo!

It was written by Jimmy Webb and it's been a Number One in several countries. It's been a Top Ten hit around the world and it's been covered over 50 times.

These are four reasons why I may be wrong, but that's still what I think. Respect Jimmy – for the courage to write a lyric so strange, that was so successful.

Marcus

--------------------
You live. You learn.

Quote Mixedup:

---

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
Postman Pat
And his black-and-white cat

---

Well you are looking at a children's lyric through adult eyes.

The one I hate like that is:



Beer, beer, Smurfing Beer
You don't get drunk and it isn't dear


Marcus

--------------------
You live. You learn.

'ooo-ooo-ooo-oooh,
I wanna sex you up!'

Beat that.

--------------------
www.thediplomatz.com

Quote The_Big_Piano_Player:

---

wanna sex you up!'
Beat that.

---

I wanna sex you down?

I believe the couplet "And where there used to be some shops... is where the snipers sometimes hide" from The Lebanon by the Human League was once voted the "worst lyric of all time",
but I actually rather like it.

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~~~ A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are tossed with! www.feline1.co.uk ~~~

lenon -

'imagine theirs no heaven easy if you try no hell below us above us only sky'

so bascially lets pretend were atheist yeah? - not really the attitude is it extoling the virtues of atheistm in a peace song?

i dont get it - perhaps yoko nono penned the words which might explain why their crap

--------------------
www.colinskuttler.com

colin, I think if you go back & listen carefully you'll find it's actually a song about a girl called Imogen. Once you know this it all starts to make scents.

Now if only someone could explain the lyrics of 'Yes, Turdy' to me...

DM

--------------------
Not much in life worth running for. Or from.

Quote feline1:

---

I believe the couplet "And where there used to be some shops... is where the snipers sometimes hide" from The Lebanon by the Human League was once voted the "worst lyric of all time",
but I actually rather like it.

---

HL are great for that kind of thing. I particularly like:

A crow and a baby
Had an affair
(Crow and a Baby: Travelogue)

and, from the same album:

All I could see was the B-side of the disc which had assumed a doughnut shape with the label on the outside rim. I reached for the arm which was less than one micron long but weighed more than Saturn...
(The Black Hit of Space)

And let's not forget that song about silkworms. Wonderful stuff, and I couldn't hate it if I tried, but I expect a lot of folk would find it plain rubbish. And then go and listen to Black Eyed Peas.

Bermuda Triangle
It makes people disappear

--------------------
Skiving off work for a year to try composing - I'll need some good luck.....

I'm glad that somebody mentioned Horse With No Name and saved me the trouble of looking the awful thing up and writing it out.

Quote alexis:

---

There were plants and birds and rocks and things,
and sand and hills and rings.

---

That has to be one of the worst couplets ever. "and things" looks like a desperate attempt to come up with a rhyme, until you see "and rings" and realise that it's pretty much just a stoned rant. But stoned rants were all the rage then, so who cared...

Quote:

---

The heat was hot

---

The Profoundometer dropped off the scale with that one too.

Quote:

---

... and that's just Verse 1! The chorus is lame too, as are the other verses. The music is pretty banal as well, so of course all that goes to explain why it reached #1 platinum status!

---

It's vintage stuff. I guess you had to be there.


MInd you, we all write crap sometimes, so I shouldn't laugh too loud....

I'm a big fan of Interpol, but this what Banksy sings in Obstacle 1 is shocking:

"Her stories are boring and stuff, she's always calling my bluff"

Some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard were written by the songwriters in one of my old bands, dear God, they just could not write lyrics.

"It's not OK, I heard you say
We stay at home, it's safe you know
Stay out tonight, let's live and lie"

--------------------
Do you need real drum tracks? http://www.drumtracksdirect.co.uk/

Quote onesecondglance:

---

Tinie Tempah - Pass Out

various gems including but not limited to "I got so many clothes I keep some in my aunt's house".

---

SECONDED, Anything by Tinie Tempah wins by a country mile.

Mike Oldfield's Ommadawn - the short track after it, On Horseback, includes the wonderful:

Big brown beastie, big brown face
I'd rather be with you than flying through space

Unless I'm hearing it wrong.

>Tinie Tempah - Pass Out
>various gems including but not limited to "I got so many clothes I keep some in my aunt's house".

So maybe it was his lyrics that Gemma Atheron was so unhappy about?

I am a fan of Paul Weller and the Jam but what was he thinking when he wrote "put on the kettle and make some tea, its all a part of feeling groovy".

Anything by the Pet Food Boys. I inadvertently hit R2 today and was treated to a barrage of absolute gibberish. I'll post details if I can bring myself to hunt it down.

--------------------
Ohm's Law states, "Your PA isn't as powerful as you think it is".

That Christina Perry 'Jar of Hearts' single has a memorably bad couplet:

'You're going to catch a cold / From the ice inside your soul'

Quote Sam Inglis:

---

That Christina Perry 'Jar of Hearts' single has a memorably bad couplet:

'You're going to catch a cold / From the ice inside your soul'

---

that one is really painful to listen to. almost as bad as Ed Sheeran's "crumbling like pastries" in The A Team.

--------------------
hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

Quote MarcusH:

---

Not exactly answering the question, but here are a few annoying lines, from artists/songs that are actually quite good.


"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police


"Why do I find it hard to write the next line?"

… Gary Kemp/Spandau Ballet


"And that's a good line to take it to the bridge."

…Robbie Williams and Guy Chambers

Marcus

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Well if you don't like the first one I can only presume that you haven't read Lolita.

The last one is obviously a placeholder which never got replaced - although Robbie and Guy did write some very knowing lyrics - perhaps more annoying than bad.

But Spandau - this cannot be the worst example you can find, can we just drop all of their songs into this?

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Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

Quote colin s:

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lenon -

'imagine theirs no heaven easy if you try no hell below us above us only sky'

so bascially lets pretend were atheist yeah? - not really the attitude is it extoling the virtues of atheistm in a peace song?

i dont get it - perhaps yoko nono penned the words which might explain why their crap

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I don't get it - why wouldn't you extol the virtues of atheism in a peace song? This is a music foruma nd not a religion bashing forum, so I won't harp on about it, but you don't need to be a genius to see the deaths religion has caused. Lennon's proposition is a reasonable one, albeit idealised.

And please learn how to use their they're and there - and you managed to get every instance wrong.

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Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

Well there's always Bike by Pink Floyd...

I've got a bike.
You can ride it if you like.
It's got a basket, a bell that rings,
and things to make it look good.
I'd give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things.

I've got a cloak, it's a bit of a joke.
There's a tear up the front, it's red and black,
I've had it for months.
If you think it could look good then I guess it should.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things

I know a mouse and he hasn't got a house.
I don't know why I call him Gerald.
He's getting rather old but he's a good mouse.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things.

I've got a clan of gingerbread men.
Here a man, there a man, lots of gingerbread men.
Take a couple if you wish, they're on the dish.

You're the kind of girl that fits in with my world.
I'll give you anything, everything, if you want things

I know a room of musical tunes.
Some rhyme, some ching, most of them are clockwork.

Let's go into the other room and make them work.

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Daniel Davis
Edinburgh Recording Studio Windmill Sound

Children, be warned. Drugs ++++ you up.

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Ohm's Law states, "Your PA isn't as powerful as you think it is".

Shame on you Daniel Davis, picking on a simple, beautiful soul. And picking on Syd Barrett too.

Quote Daniel Davis:

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Quote MarcusH:

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"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police

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... I can only presume that you haven't read Lolita.

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I got the reference to Lolita alright – I just don't like the lyric. I find the both the rhyme, and the literary reference, a bit too self-conscious. But on the other hand, compared to some of the other awful examples here, it's actually not that bad.

What was that pop song years back, something like... I like to eat a bit of toast then I thought I saw a ghost, lol.

SafeandSound Mastering

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Mastering online mastering

What about my lovely horse from Father Ted?

'I want to shower you with sugarlumps and ride you over fences, polish your hoofes every single day and take you to the horse dentist'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YivhhrYmRY&feature=fvst

Quote MarcusH:

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Quote Daniel Davis:

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Quote MarcusH:

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"He starts to shake and cough
Just like the old man in
That book by Nabokov"

…Sting/The Police

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... I can only presume that you haven't read Lolita.

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I got the reference to Lolita alright – I just don't like the lyric. I find the both the rhyme, and the literary reference, a bit too self-conscious. But on the other hand, compared to some of the other awful examples here, it's actually not that bad.

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Ha, you think that's bad, but when I was a kid and first heard it Don't Stand So Close To Me, I had never heard of Nabakov but I had heard of Neville Cole... *cough*

Think I'll go and hide after that revelation...

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* Soundcloud *
* Bandcamp *

Quote onesecondglance:

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thing with Metallica is that you have to have to judge the canon as a whole. so when you have such joys as "Do you choose what I choose? / More alternatives / Energy derives from both the plus and negative" from Eye Of The Beholder, or the strange obsession with fitting "leather" into as many lyrics as possible on Kill 'Em All (cf "The leather armies have prevailed" on Phantom Lord, "... on leather steeds they ride" from The Four Horsemen, etc.) then such absurdities as Sandman pale in comparison

i'm a lifelong 'tallica fan so i've heard some of their absolute worst!

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Kill 'em All suffered badly from the lyric writing of Dave Mustane, that's no excuse though.
However you've got to give the worst lyrics off all time and not just in the Metal Genre to pretty much Any Manowar song.

May your sword stay wet, Like a young girl in her prime!
WTF

Or
2,4,6,8 your soul I will desecrate.

Or
Hear the pounding army of the night
The call of metal summons us tonight
And gather we on this site
To behold the power and the might
We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night

Or
Wrote a letter to the M.T.V.
What's goin' on now
Don't ya care about me ?
Send the same letter to the radio, Ha!
But my party went dead
Like a shot in the head

I love My Morning Jacket, but Jim James still included this clanger in one of their biggest singles:

In a crowded room near the box of boom
To an artificial tune, I see you swoon
Well you knew all this would turn to mist
If your idea wasn't kissed, why are you so pissed?

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Do you need real drum tracks? http://www.drumtracksdirect.co.uk/

'Enter Sandman'?! What a bizarre choice. I'm no fan of metal lyrics, but those lyrics are sheer poetry compared to most metal lyrics.

Quote Phil Aitman:

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Kill 'em All suffered badly from the lyric writing of Dave Mustane, that's no excuse though.
However you've got to give the worst lyrics off all time and not just in the Metal Genre to pretty much Any Manowar song.

May your sword stay wet, Like a young girl in her prime!
WTF

Or
2,4,6,8 your soul I will desecrate.

Or
Hear the pounding army of the night
The call of metal summons us tonight
And gather we on this site
To behold the power and the might
We wear leather, we wear spikes, we rule the night

Or
Wrote a letter to the M.T.V.
What's goin' on now
Don't ya care about me ?
Send the same letter to the radio, Ha!
But my party went dead
Like a shot in the head

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this forum needs a +1 button or summat. have a smiley instead

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hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

Quote nathanscribe:

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Mike Oldfield's Ommadawn - the short track after it, On Horseback, includes the wonderful:

Big brown beastie, big brown face
I'd rather be with you than flying through space

Unless I'm hearing it wrong.

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Actually, I really liked that one, and considering when it came out, it was quite a pointed political statement.

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It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)

Quote Folderol:

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considering when it came out, it was quite a pointed political statement.

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I'm missing something. 1975? What happened? I was 2, I don't recall.

N.O.R.E - Superthug

Aiyyo, we light a candle
Run laps around the english channel
Neptunes, I got a cockerspaniel

Remember,every song needs a catchy chorus....

What what what what what what what (what what what)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)(superstar)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)
What, what, what, what, what, what, what,(what, what, what)(superstar)



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'You know it's a bad role when Nic Cage passes on it.'

You guys should worry...

Most of these examples are as nothing compared to some of the clunkers that regularly crop up in the semi-pro 'Christian' music scene where I spend some time. Sincerity: 9 out of 10; Common Sense: 2 out of 10...

Leaving aside the basic issue of whether or not one agrees with the espoused worldview - and let's not go there, PLEASE! - some of the lyrics are just plain daft...

... in a recorded and released song about Heaven... "There will be millions of people, many I've not met before"...

I could go on...

Not just the modern stuff either, Mike. There are some *really* badly-written hymns. John Wesley is responsible for a lot of bad music, but the musical sins committed by well-meaning Victorian and Edwardian hymn-scribblers are truly horrible

Quote grab:

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Not just the modern stuff either, Mike. There are some *really* badly-written hymns. John Wesley is responsible for a lot of bad music, but the musical sins committed by well-meaning Victorian and Edwardian hymn-scribblers are truly horrible

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'Twas Charles Wesley actually... But you're right; of the 6000+ hymns he wrote many are dreadful. Most of those have thankfully disappeared.

Quote grab:

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Not just the modern stuff either, Mike. There are some *really* badly-written hymns. John Wesley is responsible for a lot of bad music, but the musical sins committed by well-meaning Victorian and Edwardian hymn-scribblers are truly horrible

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Do please.. give a few examples?

Quote colin s:

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lenon -

'imagine theirs no heaven easy if you try no hell below us above us only sky'

so bascially lets pretend were atheist yeah? - not really the attitude is it extoling the virtues of atheistm in a peace song?

i dont get it - perhaps yoko nono penned the words which might explain why their crap

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Er, extolling the virtues of aetheism, given the amount of religous wars the world has endured, was precisely what the lyrics was on about!

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~~~ A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are tossed with! www.feline1.co.uk ~~~

Quote sthum:

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Do please.. give a few examples?

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Wasn't me you asked - but personally I hate those dissonant non-rhymes they have in hymns. e.g.

'Late in time behold him come,
Offspring of a virgin's womb'

Hark the Herald… Charles Wesley (Maybe it rhymed in 18th century pronunciation)

By the way, what was not the fault of the lyricists at the time, were the double meanings that could be attached to lyrics now - even though they were quite innocent at the time of writing.

I remember giggles during 'All things Bright and Beautiful' at weddings - where it mentions: 'The purple headed mountains'.

Then of course just the title of 'Oh Come Oh Come Emmanuel' would raise sniggers among teenage movie goers of the seventies.

No disrespect to anyone - just an observation on changing meanings.

Marcus

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You live. You learn.

Quote MarcusH:

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Wasn't me you asked - but personally I hate those dissonant non-rhymes they have in hymns. e.g.

'Late in time behold him come,
Offspring of a virgin's womb'

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that's called an "eye-rhyme" - it's a poetic device. generally the problem is when poetry or verse - written for the page, with associated stylistics - is set to music. that's when you get stuff like that happening.

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hourglass | random thoughts | doubledotdash!? collective

Quote nathanscribe:

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HL are great for that kind of thing. I particularly like:


...
Oakeys lyrics are frequently awesome. The thing is, he has such a brilliant pop voice, he can sing a line that on paper looks like technobabble from a Dr Who script, and make it sound like it belongs in a romantic pop song - cos this is Phil talking, and he's gonna tell you, what he's found to be true, ooh-ooh.

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~~~ A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are tossed with! www.feline1.co.uk ~~~

Quote nathanscribe:

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Quote Folderol:

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considering when it came out, it was quite a pointed political statement.

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I'm missing something. 1975? What happened? I was 2, I don't recall.

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He is just saying he'd rather be engaging with nature than getting excited about tecnogeddon space-race arms-race cold war crap and/or Hawkwind blithering on about spaceships and watching bleedin' Star Trek whilst on acid. Or something.

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~~~ A weasel hath not such a deal of spleen as you are tossed with! www.feline1.co.uk ~~~

Ah right. But still. Big brown face? It's all a bit Look Around You...

I think I wrote one of the worst lyrics ever - but I'm not sharing the evidence. It's on 1/4 inch on a shelf in the box room. Now that I've remembered, I should probably destroy that tape.

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17ft here! Too deep for non divers.

There was a funny thing in SOS a few years ago from Mike Chapman, the producer of Parallel Lines, the Blondie album. He thought Debbie Harry wrote silly lyrics - but then gave an example of a 'dumb' lyric, and actually, I understood exactly what it meant, even if Chapman didn't. He says in the interview:

...in 'Hanging On The Telephone', the lines 'I heard your mother now she's going out the door. Did she go to work or just go to the store?' — I remember listening to those and thinking, 'This is the dumbest lyric I've ever heard.' However, it was so dumb, it was beautiful, it was brilliant, and when Debbie then sang it in her inimitable way it suddenly sounded even funnier. It just sounded like the weirdest, most bizarre thing I'd ever heard."

See: http://www.soundonsound.com/sos/jun08/articles/classictracks_0608.htm< br />
Personally speaking, I still remember being a teenager and asking my girlfriend if her mum was going to be out for a long while (so we could have some 'privacy') or just a short time. So certainly not the dumbest lyric I've ever heard. Funny, because Mike was obviously so clued-up on many other things.

Marcus

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You live. You learn.

Bonjovi:
I wanna be just a close as
The Holy Ghost is...

Whitesnake:
I wanna slide it in...right to the top

Thin Lizzy:
"Tonight theres gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town"
Err.. Maybe its the prison, Phil?

Neil Diamond:
"I am, I said, to no-one there
And no-one heard at all, not even the chair."
Which is surprising when you consider what amazingly sensitive ears most chairs have.

Shakira:
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble So you don't confuse them with mountains

...and the best one of all
Good Morning Starshine:
Gliddy glub gloopy
Nibby nabby noopy
La la la lo lo
Sabba sibby sabba
Nooby abba nabba
Le le lo lo
Tooby ooby walla
Nooby abba naba
Early morning singing song

>Thin Lizzy:
>"Tonight theres gonna be a jailbreak, somewhere in this town"
>Err.. Maybe its the prison, Phil?

But the song wasn't about a real jailbreak, was it?

"Whitesnake:
I wanna slide it in...right to the top"

Not so silly when you've worked out what the name of the band might refer to....





My vote for worst lyrics (and performance in general) has to be Cliff Richard:
I'm into Sci Fi
(Sci Fi, Sci Fi)
I'm into Sci Fi, UFO

And to the Martians
I'm gonna say
Hello, hello
I'm into Sci Fi

Quote Jay Menon:

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Neil Diamond:
"And no-one heard at all, not even the chair."

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only Neil Diamond could get away with the chair thing - musical Van Gogh really. Mesmerising is Neil.

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17ft here! Too deep for non divers.

"Sittin' on a mountain, we're looking at the sun
Plastic fantastic lobster telephone, yeah"

The Cult, Aphrodisiac Jacket


Wait... What? Seriously?

And somewhat like Neil Diamond, Ian Astbury has the voice to (mostly) get away with it.

Quote A. AuCr:

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"Sittin' on a mountain, we're looking at the sun
Plastic fantastic lobster telephone, yeah"

The Cult, Aphrodisiac Jacket


Wait... What? Seriously?

And somewhat like Neil Diamond, Ian Astbury has the voice to (mostly) get away with it.

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God... You gotta love all that 80's stuff...

It's as if they couldn't give a toss about the lyric.. like it really was an after thought! But man that sound was awesome and it's always sure to bring a smile to your face no matter where you are!

I can't see that there will ever be again another eighties style era of truly original music.. which is kinda sad! As in.. I think the 'originality tap' has now been well and truly run dry... everything we hear now.. though still good is just a rehash of something from before!

I'm all on for change and new music eras but there was something truly special about that period...

I'm not obviously talking about the crap, which every era tends to throw up!
I'm talking about pure originality..
The Likes of: Peter Gabriel, U2, Tears For Fears, OMD, The Cure, Gary Numan, Genesis, John Foxx, Ultravox, New Order, Joy Division, Depeche Mode and of course The Cult... etc etc...

In my humble opinion!

Fascinating that so much of what was seminal in those years was from the UK and Ireland, while very little from the US from that era has aged well or remained relevant. America fractured into three utterly different directions with the rise of hip hop, grunge and "new" country and largely hasn't referenced those earlier years again.

Oh, notable exception being The Killers...

Edited by A. AuCr (09/04/12 07:04 PM)

Can it really get much more insipid than this?

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

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It wasn't me!
(Well, actually, it probably was)

Your Sex is on fire. Horrible. Never say that to a girl.

Quote MarcusH:

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Quote The_Big_Piano_Player:

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wanna sex you up!'
Beat that.

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Yuck I remember that one...Taxi!
None of my quotes are actually quotes they just come up blue

Edited by atechnogirl (09/04/12 08:41 PM)

Quote atechnogirl:

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Your Sex is on fire. Horrible. Never say that to a girl.

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Written as a joke apparently, but the management/label loved it and begged for it to stay that way.
To be fair, it probably made them more money than everything they had previously released all together. I'd sing something stupid for that kinda success!

I do also hate that lyric.... Good tune though!

Quote atechnogirl:

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Your Sex is on fire. Horrible. Never say that to a girl.

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"When Pierre the French fighter pilot goes down, he goes down in flames!" What's the rest of that joke?

Not sure how true it is, but I'd heard that this has been the most popular wedding song going for the last couple of years..... I agree it's a dodgy lyric but I do like the tune

But let's be honest - if you can keep driving whilst *that* is happening then she's clearly not very good at it.

Lenny Kravitz

So tell me why we got to die
And kill each other one by one
We've got to hug and rub-a-dub
We've got to dance and be in love.

and

I wish that I could fly
Into the sky
So very high
Just like a dragonfly

I'd fly above the trees
Over the seas in all degrees
To anywhere I please

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

Oh I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

Let's go and see the stars
The milky way or even Mars
Where it could just be ours

Let's fade into the sun
Let your spirit fly
Where we are one
Just for a little fun
Oh oh oh yeah !
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/l/lenny+kravitz/fly+away_20082622.html ]
I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah yeah yeah

I got to get away
Feel I got to get away
Oh oh oh yeah

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you yeah yeah
Oh Yeah !

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you yeah yeah
I got to get away

I want to get away X4
Yeah
I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you yeah yeah
I got to get away

I want to get away X4
Yeah

I want to get away
I want to fly away
Yeah with you
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

just awful