Monitoring seems to me more of a black art than a science, and while generalisations can be made, it's one of those things where the 'average' is nothing like any individual case. In most bands you have to adjust to the drums and if the drummer's adding volume to combat what feels to him like the others players swamping his sound, you have the start of a loudness battle you can only win when everybody gets quieter again. IEMs are a solution, but bring other problems in their wake and not everybody is comfortable with them. My personal bugbear (and I play in bands with more than the average number of acoustic instruments) is monitors with too much bass, which to my ears sounds like s**t and interferes with the FOH sound too much. The passion for smiley face EQ doesn't help, either. If you play in a band like that, you've either got to help them sort it or move on. As has been said above, eventually you'll find people to play with who respect the quality of sound they and their colleagues produce.

I can see why it's hard to get good monitors when you go to a new venue, have to set the band up in a totally unmusical arrangement and there's no time for any sound check, whether FOH or monitors. These are usually the gigs where you play two hours late and don't even get to see the buffet. Why do we do it?

I also agree that many players can't play their own part and hear anything else at the same time. If you work with any of these people and they're adults, move on now. I've conducted amateur bands where it's like giving 30 people a topic and comparing essays about it afterwards. The whole concept of playing WITH other musicians is totally beyond more people than you would be comfortable about. For your own sanity, find a band where they think and play like you do. If that's flat out all the time and sod the rest of 'em, you just won't do many gigs ...

Nicely put.

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I have to agree as an battle hardened sound guy and Bass player, it really helps if band members listen to each other. If FOh is decent i am ambivalent about monitors for my vocal, I prefer to work the sound of the room with my voice. Musos have an annoying tendency to want to percieve their sound as coming from their amp or monitors, even if there is plenty of volume coming thru from FOH.

Guitarists are of course the worst by far. A friend of mine who teaches sound and production and is also a very experienced engineer has a theory that playing electric guitar instantly removes 30 IQ points and any understanding of cause and effect. I tend to agree...(: