U know we're only thinking of your best interests mate. If you just doing it for yerself that's coolio. We shouldn't criticize that
What about the idea of doing a course - U dumped that idea yeah?
Yeah I do realize that and I do appreciate it, it's just hard to see through the thick fog that is "the delusion" as you may know.
I have given up on the idea of those SAE courses and such, it would be an awesome way to spend two years of my life, but the end result seems worthless after everyone's input. I will probably invest in some home course books and reference material though as that is practically how I have gotten to the stage I am now.
I reckon - fwiw - just develop it on the side mate. Nothing beats hard work and with a determined, single-minded vision, anything is possible! Stick at it and doors open and new possibilities emerge. You don't need books or a course, just get a nice set-up and make it sing. You seem like you have a mature attitude too.
Developing a music career on the side - I did this. I am semi-retarded (according to my GF) and can do nothing apart from music. Even tying my laces is mentally taxing. I am a complete tool who has consistently shot himself in the foot. I graduated from the RCM and then (to my dad's shame) went to work on a building site to be rebellious. Then a wine waiter doing 70 hours a week at 77p an hour. My life has taken many nasty twists and turns but eventually, after many years, it ended up ok and I work in music full time with quite a cushy life now.
Trust me pal, if I can do it anyone can. But it isn't done overnight.