Big George's Guide To Commercial Success: Fronting Out A Situation

BIG GEORGE'S GUIDE TO COMMERCIAL SUCCESS

If there's one thing Big George can do, it's front out a situation. This month he gives you a brief masterclass on doing the same.

Since starting this column, way back in the last century, I've been using it to savage various aspects of the music industry on your behalf, leaving you totally unscathed. This month I thought I'd vent my spleen in a different direction, and delve into what may be one of the reasons why you haven't been as successful as your immense talent warrants. If you're easily offended, my advice would be not only to stop reading this column immediately, but also to give up the music business altogether.

As an artist, at different stages in your career you may well have to deal with people who have a massive bearing on your future, but absolutely no idea of the artistic turmoils involved in creating your music. How you put yourself across in situations like these will have more impact on your prospects than you can possibly imagine. Whether you're a budding pop star, a soon-to-be-discovered producer, or the greatest musician ever to wear headphones in a studio, at some stage you'll need to impress someone other than your Mum.

Now, if you're a bigheaded jackass like me, you won't have any problem making an impression. But will it be the right one? Sometimes over-confidence in your abilities can be a bigger turn-off than being a bumbling idiot who can't string two words together, or wetting your pants in reception. Knowing when to talk and, more importantly, when to shut up is crucial.

At various times in my charmed life in the music industry I've found myself in the offices of know-nothing executives who insist on expressing their self-important (and largely irrelevant) opinions. Opinions like: "Maybe it could have a little more of a Mick Hucknall vibe about the chorus, in a country line-dance kinda way." Or, as one A&R director used to say to every single producer/artist/manager when he was listening to a track: "I think the bass drum needs a bit more ADT." I asked him once what ADT stood for, and

The obvious thing to do is inform such people (who more than 99 percent of the time have nothing constructive to say about the music whatsoever) of the stupidity of their suggestions and teach them the error of their ways, in no uncertain terms. Wrong! These people are the guardians of the waterways on which you wish to sail to hitherto uncharted oceans of wealth.

Instead of declaring that you don't want your music to sound like watered-down, bland pop, be thankful for their wise and insightful observation. Reinforce your thanks by saying that you knew your work needed something to turn it into a genuine masterpiece, and that their idea sounds like exactly it -- in fact, you'll go away and make the necessary adjustments immediately. Then walk out of the office, whispering the word 'tosser' under your breath if you wish -- though personally I think it's bad form to speak ill of the afflicted. Come back a week later raving about how their creative input has really made the whole project click. Then play them the same tape as before.

Similarly, if a promoter gives you grief or a fellow band member is getting out of order, punching them on the nose may well seem the most appropriate response to the situation, but civility costs nothing, and means that you come across as a reasonable human being rather than a psychotic maniac who security are asked to eject from the building.

Am I advising you to be two-faced in business situations? Er... I think I am. But you can't beat 'em, so why not join 'em?

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