I'm a huge fan of the original version of this song. A such, I'm veering towards a more nit-picking type of appraisal. It's so very close to the original in terms of structure, style etc., that my comments are best regarded in a spot-the-difference context. To wit, if I'd never heard the original, I'd have no gripes at all
1. The bottom end is a bit thin to my ears - the original has got a certain warmth
2. The snare sounds slightly synthetic in comparison to the original
3. The tom has too much reverb
4. The vocal pitching is a little flakey in places; the repeated breathiness when you trail off at the end i slightly grating (the original sounds pretty dry and close mic'd)
5. There's a general lack of assuredness in the vocal performance at the start - this improves a fair bit towards the end
6. The original sounds more cohesive, immediate and up-front, with less reverb (or at least less top-end reflection)
7. The no-frills fade at the end is a surprisingly effective device in the original. To my ears, the vocal noodling at the end of yours tends to detract from this.
That said, it's still pretty impressive as an exercise in mimicry, and it certainly shows off your obvious skill. Oh, and I'm listening through Tannoys nearfields, with no EQ, via an Audiophile soundcard.