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I'm Just A Poor Boy

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I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby SilverBeat » Sun Jun 18, 2017 8:07 pm

"I'm Just A Poor Boy" is my May 2017 song. As always, I have completed the writing, full performance, and mixing. Please feel free to hit on any thing.

Cheers,
Terry

I'm just a poor boy - https://www.reverbnation.com/silverbeat ... a-poor-boy

I was born in a poor man's home
From a poor man's life
With a poor mans wife
I was born a poor American Child
Never had much, or any thing nice
Each day I woke, I paid the price
Yeah - Being poor was seen as trouble and wild

Chorus

I'm just a poor boy
Searching for a way
To find Truth and meaning
And live another day
I'm just a poor boy
That's putting up a fight
As long as I'm breathing
I will be doing alright [

I was on the wrong road of life
The wrong road to know
The right way to go
I shared a web with unscrupulous liars
Living on hope, and searching for truth
Caught in a lie, most of my youth
Yeah nothing seemed to gain my needed desire

Repeat chorus

There's no stopping
I'm not giving in
There's plenty to life and ways to win.

Repeat chorus
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby Dave B » Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:02 pm

I'd redo the entire mix - drums get lost, bass is indistinct, vocals too loud, piano and sequence so hard panned it sounds unnatural. Sorry, but it needs more work.

And I think that the piano solo has some clashing notes - not sure if it's deliberate but it sounds bad against such a clean cut track.

All above is strictly IMHO. If you're happy with it then it's fine...
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby Lekhan » Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:37 am

Felt the same on all the points mentioned by Dave B.
In particular panning of piano is unnatural in my opinion too .
With Synthesized sounds i feel we have the freedom to play around a lot with panning / any other processing but with piano options are limited IMHO.
Apart from all the other things mentioned so far , the whole track lacks gelling in my opinion.
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby Pusczak » Mon Jun 19, 2017 2:06 pm

I rather disagreed with Dave's analysis - I quite like to be able to understand vocals and I didn't much care about the fragmented piano. I liked the song, but only one aspect worried me, which is that you didn't much sound like a poor boy! You actually sound distinctly well off. Mind you, I have the same problem - most of my stuff sounds the same, whatever the emotional intent. Good luck.
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby artzmusic » Sun Jun 25, 2017 8:33 pm

I agree that this doesn't sound like a poor boy's song. Keep all the mix as is and it will support the lyrics of "I'm Just a Bratty Kid" .

I'm not trying to be funny here. I am going with the melody and backing and vocals. Change the lyrics to reflect Bratty Kid and you have the whole package here done very nicely.

Good work.

Rick
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby petev3.1 » Tue Aug 29, 2017 12:59 pm

Agree with much of what's been said. I'd just add that for me it could do with lots of backing vocals, almost a 'boy band' arrangement. I like it musically (details aside) but also feel that 'poor boy' is not working. I wonder if there's a substitute word for 'poor'. 'Lost'?

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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby Forum Admin » Tue Aug 29, 2017 6:18 pm

petev3.1 wrote:I wonder if there's a substitute word for 'poor'. 'Lost'?

Now where's that Roget's Thesaurus when you need it? ... ah yes, here it is... synonyms for 'poor' include:

poverty-stricken, impoverished, necessitous, beggarly, in penury, penurious, impecunious, indigent, needy, needful, in need/want, badly off, low-paid, in reduced circumstances, in straitened circumstances, destitute, hard up, short of money, on one's beam-ends, unable to make ends meet, underprivileged, deprived, penniless, without a sou, as poor as a church mouse, moneyless...

:beamup:

Music OK, very Sparks-like, but I just can't disassociate the title from the Bohemian Rhapsody lyric. I'd change it.
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby Eddy Deegan » Tue Aug 29, 2017 8:11 pm

I quite liked the track, it's bouncy and fun - I agree with Dave in that the vocals are a touch high relative to the rest of the mix. Also, for me, the piano sounds 'odd' because it sounds like a piano patch on a synth being played like a synth part by a sequencer, and I reckon it would be significantly better as a 'proper' piano part recorded in one good live take.

The 'clashing notes' thing is fine to my ears, it's a nice bit of discordance.

Could do with the bass bumping up a tad too I think.
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby Folderol » Tue Aug 29, 2017 9:07 pm

As a non-expert...
Absolutely agree with Eddy on this.
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Re: I'm Just A Poor Boy

Postby The Elf » Wed Aug 30, 2017 8:45 am

Sounds a bit like someone singing over a 1980s home keyboard demo. Whether that's a bad or a good thing is moot. The sounds are a tad 'cheesy' and the drums are frantic in a Duracell bunny sort of way.

The vocals are extremely loud. The drums sound very 'knocky' and are being swamped, especially by the vocals. These are the elements I would address first and foremost.

Assuming you're not going to replace any of the sounds in the mix...

Strip the mix back to square one and take another run at it with a reference to guide you.

The first thing is to get the drums up front and balanced with the bass. Tonally the drums are going to need some careful EQ to remove the sound of 'knocking on a wardrobe door' and allow through their deep lows and crisp highs. Use cuts as much as you can and be sparing with boosts - avoid boosting anything if you can. Hopefully you have the drums separated so that you can treat each element of the kit separately, because what may suit the snare will almost certainly not suit the kick. Balance the drums so that they sound like one instrument - as if you are sitting in front of a real drum kit. Mix in the bass so that the bass and kick feel like one instrument.

Get the drums and bass sounding right and I think you find that adding the other mix elements will be much easier. Keep going back to your reference to guide you.

Bring the vocals up just to the point where you can hear every every word, and ride them if necessary in the louder parts of the mix. There's no need to have them dominating the mix all through the song as long as they can tell their story.

HTH.
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